Life Needs Some Tour Guides

Everyone has their own perspective about relationships, commute times, how to raise your kids etc, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that when you lose a loved one- everyone deals with that in their own way. But from my recent experience, have to say, after laying the cards out on the table...and explaining to longtime colleagues the way it all went down for mom- it's amazing the reactions I got- everything from "sounds like she was full of life and an amazing woman, I'll remember this conversation when I lose a parent" to "oh please let God pick that exit strategy for me too- she's lucky" to "zero pain, that's the real blessing"- it just amazed me how many could totally relate- and not just that- actually comment on what an amazing person she must have been. These people have never met mom, yet someone commented that if she was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing the day she passed away- she wasn't bogged down with medications and the like- God was kind. Never thought about it that way. But- I will always reference and remember the classmate who told me at Mom's memorial that Mom ran out into the parade while he was on his Harley and gave him a big hug that Sunday afternoon. Not even sure who that guy was- but it proves Mom was serving her community, celebrating life and that was important to her. One of my colleagues I shared mom's story with is the same age as my parents. He said he just wants to show up everyday and live life, and worries (at his age) what might happen to him and how it might go down. He gave his condolences to me about mom and said, "in a way, its an uplifting story to me at my age, doing what she loved to do, plus it being instant and pain free." That's perspective. And it's something I need to hear. He said, "Glad I could help, this life needs some tour guides" and I agree.

Mom's Magic

Mom, two weeks before you passed away you helped raise 22k with Grace Lutheran Church for the annual Mistletoe Magic event. This was taken at the event. I loved hearing the stories about decorating and how you put your personal touch on everything in the showroom. And the crafts you were making! What an achievement. Your love of homemade goodness now lives in many homes. I think of you every day and night and miss you very much. But my heart and mind won't let me believe your spirit is gone. A true reflection of all the good work you did and continue to do in our lives. You should be proud of us mom. We are living proof that you taught us well. I know you. You said, "I'll be fine" and you were spiritually ready for anything that came your way. Thanks for showing us your strength. It gives me strength everyday.
Love,
Lynette

Mom

I was so good at posting stuff until I got the error message like my blog had been hacked. Then for some reason, I fell off and stopped writing only becuase I would write a story only to have it deleted seconds after I tried posting it. A sure fire way to crush your creativity. But then I got to thinking, I should just try again. So here I am. Sigh. So much has happened in the past few months that I know I'll look back and say, this is when I changed. Even though I don't really feel any different at the moment, I know things won't be the same now that my mom passed away. The further I get from the day of her passing the more nervous I get about how I'm going to feel. Now I understand what those moments you'll never get back feel like. I realized this the other day when i was changing James' diaper. I looked at him and realized he was going to grow up. That he can't stay this innocent age forever. He too will have to live without Grammy. Heavy stuff. I haven't processed it all. And even though I take time to think of my mom – it still doesn’t feel like she’s totally gone. In fact, I don’t have a sad heart at all. It’s full from mom’s love. Blinding almost. She told me when she was diagnosed that she knew no matter what happened, she’d be ok. It was us she was worried about. Thanks Mom. You were right! This is harder on us than it is on you. But I know you’re here to help us through and we will keep living each day with you in our hearts – taking care to make sure we are ok. That Dad is ok. That James is ok.

Us.

James @ 16 months